I hate to even write anything. I know these things happen, and it is a part of farming but I'm pretty torn up right now.
I found Brie down, uterus partially prolapsed but no calf in it. Obviously she was dying. Called Dante home, and a neighbor came to help. They put her down and performed a c-section. I worked really hard on that little baby but he died.
For some reason her cervix barely dilated. I've never had any major calving issues, nothing like this. It was so dramatic and horrible and it makes me not wannna do this anymore.
I'll be fine though. Just another test, for what ---I don't know-- but I'm really sad and plain old wore out. To make matters worse Maddy's calf was looking off this morning. She is still nursing and I have them snugged in now, but I don't know where I'm gonna muster the energy to give that the proper diligence.
That's the thing about it, I keep getting blow after blow but I still have to keep going. I can't even just hide out and cry for a few days because I need to make meals for the kids, check Ayla's blood sugar frequently, milk the cows, dishes, laundry. It's probably good, I guess, but all I want to do right now is go to bed but I should probably go check on Margo. Veda didn't understand and threw a fit about gym class so I got her there. Now I gotta go pick her up and make lunch.
I haven't even gotten to mourn the loss of a sweet cow, too many details to settle.
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I am so sorry for your loss...it surely wasn't what you needed to be hit with in light of all the other trials you are facing. I truly hope things smooth out for you, take care..
ReplyDeleteSo very sorry. She had a wonderful life on your farm and you gave her lots of love.
ReplyDeleteOh man oh man.....blow after blow. You are an amazing woman. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet cow and her calf. (((((HUGS))))))
ReplyDeleteSend hugs Jess, so sorry this has happened, and like you said another blow. We are thinking of you and sending all the good vibes and hugs we can.
ReplyDeleteOh, Jessika, I am so very sorry. I just want to urge you to let anything go that you can and just take care of the things you absolutely have to and let the rest go. I know from experience the toll that a loss like this can take when you are already stressed from other pressures and hardships. Wishing I were closer so that I could help you or just watch the kids for a few minutes so you could scream and cry. So sorry, honey. I'm thinking of you and will continue with the prayers.
ReplyDeleteOk.........my messages posted evertime even though it said it didn't. Sorry about that! :-(
ReplyDeleteWould you believe a couple people have called because they want my poor dead beloved cow's body to bait coyotes? Come on, I'm not opposed to eating some of my cows but I already am pretty traumatized by today's events I can't handle that thought. She'll feed our local wild animal population, which are usually kind enough to not bother any of my livestock, and that seems within the cycle of things.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate all your kindness.
Sorry you lost your cow and calf. I hope you get a good night sleep and wake up to a better day tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteJessika, I'm sorry. It's been a rough several days for you and your family. Hang in there...you are loved by many. Sending more prayers out to the universe for you right now...
ReplyDeleteJessika,
ReplyDeleteDifferent circumstances - same emotional overload. I've been there. That's when you TAKE the first half-hour in the morning as soon as you wake up. You talk to God. He already knows what you're going through and how you feel. He even knows you're angry, tired, fed up... everything. It actually feels so much better when you realize that - and say it out loud to him. And then - you prepare yourself to let go of doing all the leading in the day. You give the day - and everything that happens - over to HIM to LEAD. You make the deal to become one of the pee-ons... LOL... and you inform Him that you'll just roll with the flow - BUT - you're gonna give HIM the credit for whatever may happen - good AND bad. But for every bad moment - you let Him know you're gonna put your faith in Him to compensate you ten-fold with blessings after surviving the mess. It is that decision of letting go and simply watching it happen - knowing it's God's doing - because you gave the day to Him - and you've decided to only put total faith in Him fixing whatever mess should happen... He ALWAYS comes through - in ways that will have you laughing. Give the day to Him. Walk through the day with most of your energy used for putting faith in God - and keep your eyes open. Whatever happens - it will be God doing His thing. And your efforts to put all your faith in Him while you become the pee-on.. LOL... it will blow your mind when you see the blessings come to you!! Hang in there, Hon. He's not testing you. He's seeking a testimony of faith from you.
hugs.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your loss.
ReplyDeleteHmm. I wrote a long comment this morning and it said it posted but it did not?!
ReplyDeleteI will have to reconstruct it tomorrow, Jess, but I want you to know you are in my heart and prayers.
so sorry about your loss, it is heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteoh, i'm sorry i hope this time passes quickly and happiness creeps in.
ReplyDeleteyou are in our thoughts.
k-)
i am so sad for you all. what a tough time for you. my prayers and love are sent your way. i wish i could carry some of your pain for you. hang in there as i know you will. my little kisten was sad for you and said she was glad your little one was all better now. her sugars levels have been good this week.there are so many praying for you now.sherrye
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss---it's been a hard time for you. I really hope things settle down.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate all the words of wisdom. I'm taking it all in.
ReplyDeleteOur little girls Ayla and Ida, are doing great!
Thought I'd update that little Margo ( Maddy's calf ) is fine too.
I'm very thankful for all the good, and just trying to take it a day at a time. The day is gorgeous and I'm planting more seeds and then packing up the double jogging stroller and hitting the trails with all 5 kiddos.
I love my time with the cows out in the barn and in the fields. It's still a little haunting, but I am still trying to enjoy it.