I hate to even write anything. I know these things happen, and it is a part of farming but I'm pretty torn up right now.
I found Brie down, uterus partially prolapsed but no calf in it. Obviously she was dying. Called Dante home, and a neighbor came to help. They put her down and performed a c-section. I worked really hard on that little baby but he died.
For some reason her cervix barely dilated. I've never had any major calving issues, nothing like this. It was so dramatic and horrible and it makes me not wannna do this anymore.
I'll be fine though. Just another test, for what ---I don't know-- but I'm really sad and plain old wore out. To make matters worse Maddy's calf was looking off this morning. She is still nursing and I have them snugged in now, but I don't know where I'm gonna muster the energy to give that the proper diligence.
That's the thing about it, I keep getting blow after blow but I still have to keep going. I can't even just hide out and cry for a few days because I need to make meals for the kids, check Ayla's blood sugar frequently, milk the cows, dishes, laundry. It's probably good, I guess, but all I want to do right now is go to bed but I should probably go check on Margo. Veda didn't understand and threw a fit about gym class so I got her there. Now I gotta go pick her up and make lunch.
I haven't even gotten to mourn the loss of a sweet cow, too many details to settle.