Sunday, December 27, 2009

She Finally Asked Me The Question I've Been Dreading....

" Mommy, can you please make my diabetes go away?" 3 year old Ayla pleaded with me. I've been waiting for the day, when Ayla realizes that she is stuck with this horrid disease for life. A life sentence. I could tell her blood sugar was high, and needed to check her and give more insulin, and all she wanted was an apple.
" I don't want to be checked!! " " I HATE my stupid diabetes!" " Mommy, can you please make it go away? I don't want diabetes anymore. I'll be really good."
Let me tell you, I was speechless. I wanted so much to say, " Come on, grab your coat. We're gonna go get rid of your diabetes!" I could picture everyone getting dressed and giving each other " high fives " and then driving to the cliff's edge at Quoddy Head, and throwing Ayla's diabetes off into the Atlantic Ocean and setting it free. Freeing ourselves from the hold it has on our lives. On Ayla's Life.
Darn it. I'm crying and I can't even eat my yummy turkey sandwich, or enjoy the fact that I'm home all alone and could take a bath or something.
We received so much kindness and generosity this Christmas that I can't digest it, I feel guilty to have received so much. We are so Blessed. I sincerely Thank You, all of You!
I'm just having a moment.
There's a song that says something like, " How many times can I break till I shattter ".
Well, I'm an eternal optimist, so I won't stay down long but sometimes its just too much.


  1. Oh Jessika. Quoddy Head sounds like a perfect place for it to go. Hugs for you, one of the strongest women ever.

  2. Oh, I had tears in my eyes. I have been to Quoddy Head and can just picture you all there, joyously bidding it good riddance as you toss it over! Many hugs to you, wonderful mother.

  3. You are such a wonderful clutch of women! I'm honored to know and love you all..