Jules is on Deck.....

She will be the next to calve. Within 2 weeks, probably sooner. Wanna take a guess? She gets all " swishy -tailed " whenever I try to touch her udder. Not a direct windmill-action kick aimed at my head, but she's dancing around and thwapping me with her tail nonetheless. Speaking of which , I got groped by a 3 yr old boy at Ayla's gym class. That was new. I should have guessed what was coming when he sidled up next to me, patted my arm, laid his head on my shoulder and then went for the gold. Frankly, I have 5 kids--6 if you count Dante--( I can write that because he RARELY ever reads the blog! ) so I am pretty used to it. You Moms know what I mean. Your body kinda becomes public property. Newly weaned Ida May has taken to blowing " raspberries " on my chest. Whatever floats your boat, right?

Back to Jules, if she has a heifer she will be named Julia or Juliette. A play on the book/movie " Julie & Julia ". Only this pair will probably be " Jules & Juliette ". I can use the milk. Ellie's bull calf is officially for sale. He is taking ALL her milk. He will be excellent meat for the freezer for someone. We are gonna butcher our bigger bull, Wolfie, after he breeds the cows and is on grass for a bit. He is becoming a jerk, gets all snorty and grouchy if you even look at him these days. Teeny was in heat yesterday, or maybe it was Happy, all I know is it was a DANGEROUS proposition to get in between her an any immovable object! I tried to take some pics of Jules but was scared to turn my back on her! I had to keep my escape route in mind. She just had this love-crazed look in her eyes.....The ram we borrowed for tupping ( remember that is sheep-speak for breeding ) is also a bother now. He uses his horns to dart under the fence and is coating the bottom wire with wool. This is very annoying for Dante, and thus slightly entertaining for me!

Amazingly my business is growing concurrent with the cows freshening. It seems, just as I seem to be short on milk--BOOM! Another calf hits the ground. I couldn't have planned it better, and believe me it wasn't planned! This years calving schedule was all left up to the cows, bulls, and romance under the stars somewhere on the back forty. I would have LOVED to have at least gotten a heads up, but NO---the cows want me to spend weeks scrutinizing their nether regions and discussing it in great detail with anyone who will listen. Zoie lives in fear of what I will let fly, in front of her friends. Of course I use this to my advantage. She had a friend visiting, and we were watering the cows. One of the calves mounted another. This is normal calf behavior, they do it as a dominance thing and just practicing being cows. The little girl looks at me and I can see it coming. " What are they doing? "

" Oh, just playing..." I say. " It looks like they're HUMPING." she says. So I say, " Fine, they're humping." And that was that. When you treat these things as normal everyday facts of life, that's EXACTLY how kids grow up viewing them.

That's one of the great things about being a lady dairy farmer . Not only have I learned every swear imaginable from other farmers, ( when you are dealing with a steaming 20 lb mound of excrement that just came out of the south end of your cow named " Happy ", to call it " poop " or " manure " just doesn't do it justice. It's sh*t. Pure and simple. Call me uncouth, or not lady-like, but I am very feminine, in a not so feminine profession. ) You also get to say things like:

" udder "

" teats "

" vulva"

" springing "

" sliming "

" mucous "

" engorged "

" she's holding out on me! "

" I almost got mounted by a cow today! "

and nobody looks at you weirdly! Okay, they still look at you strange, but you don't give a hoot! I love my job!